(17 BIG PAGES of FULL COLOR ACTION)
(enviously endorsed by the legendary cartoonist _______ ______’s Childhood Acquaintance )
NOBLE PROGRESSIVE INFALLIBLE CITIZEN #1 sez “Your body your choice …!”
NOBLE PROGESSIVE INFALLIBLE CITIZEN #2 sez “Except when the Big Bosses say nope!”
NOBLE PROGRESSIVE INFALLIBLE CITIZEN#1 sez “That goes without saying!”
NOBLE PROGESSIVE INFALLIBLE CITIZEN #2 sez (singing a Patti Smith song while NOBLE PROGESSIVE INFALLIBLE CITIZEN #1 lights a candle blessed by Angelina Jolie and/or the Dalai Lama)
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BLIP sez “Every animal has a survival instinct, but what’s happening, today, in masses of humans, is an erosion of that instinct, orchestrated by a highly-organized minority of humans with an agenda. ‘Morality’ is not the banner we need to raise as we battle this highly-organized minority; we don’t, in fact, need a banner… or an excuse… at all. We are battling to save our lives and the lives of our subsequent generations. Isn’t that motivation enough? Well, it should be. But if your survival instinct has been eroded…”
BLOOP sez in squiggly lettering (she’s so cool i want to die)
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HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #1 sez Kathy Acker was a sideshow with severe emotional problems.
HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #2 sez Kathy Acker was hot.
HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #1 sez ‘Hotness’ is not a literary value.
HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #2 sez Kathy Acker wrote with an activated vibrator in her vagina to see how it would affect her writing.
HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #1 sez How did it affect her writing?
HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #2 sez It made her writing hot.
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ENTITY A sez (shouting from a mountain top) One can be nice or one can write well!
ENTITY B sez (while wearily descending the mountain trail with its back to ENTITY A): I thought this one would be different, somehow…
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Sinéad sez: He’s one of those guys who looks in the mirror and says fuck yeah.
Dulicinea sez Frankly I find that kind of hot.
Sinéad sez Yeah but while he’s fucking you?
Dulicinea sez He does that?
Sinéad sez Twice. No, wait, three…
Dulicinea sez Isn’t that what Batman does in American Psycho?
Sinéad sez He loves that film. He says it’s a critique of…
Dulicinea sez Ugh. “Critique”.
Sinéad sez I know, right?
Dulcinea sez Guy at the train station, waiting for line 9, was HYSTERICAL. Comes oozing down the stairs toward the platform, leaning heavily forward while gripping the handrail, saying, in English, in a very Gay American voice, “Where am I going… where am I going…” gets to the bottom of the stairs where a middle class German lady with her young daughter are obviously on the way home from Granny’s Easter extravaganza. Dude points at them and goes, “Don’t you two EVER EVER EVER… look at me again!”
Then he goes into a monologue, in a Super Gay Voice, as he walks along the platform to where the front of the train will stop. “That’s fucking IT! I am SO DONE with this fucking world! Give me a FUCKING break! I tried to do it… I tried to do the whole bit… the house and the family… but THEY WOULDN’T LET ME! DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M SAYING?!!! FUCK THAT!!!” And lots more. At this point I had moved away, hoping he wouldn’t spot me. Strangely, I heard him shouting the word “nerds”.
Everyone started moving in droves to the other end of the platform. We were sure he was a JUMPER. But he wasn’t… not yet, I guess.
Sinéad sez Anyway, to get back to last night. I had the most incredibly irresistible urge to bite down on his dick last night. Not just front-bite like with an ice cream cone but like seriously side-bite it and gnaw it off like you do with a tough piece of meat. It was such a vivid… I could see and feel myself doing it. It’s like a voice in my head was screaming you know you want to do it. It was alarming.
Dulicinea sez Maybe he’d shout fuck yeah.
Sinéad sez He’s kind of famous, not fame famous, you know, notorious within the circle of people like him. He’s an up and coming Object Oriented Ontology philosopher. Publishes books, students flirt with him. I’d be famous as the woman who bit his dick off.
Dulicinea sez You could have been the Mark David Chapman of single mothers.
Sinéad sez I didn’t say I had the urge to kill him.
Dulicinea sez Okay that’s right. What was her name? You’d be the her of single mothers. Wait, I’ll Googlit. Lorena Bobbit.
Sinéad sez Who?
Dulicinea sez Brent fucked me in the ass on Mother’s Day.
Sinéad sez Shouldn’t he have waited until Father’s Day?
Dulcinea sez That’s what I said. Just kidding. I cordially invited him to. Because he was really good on Mother’s Day. He took Anaïs to do the zoo for the whole day. That was like my holiday in Jamaica. I read in the back yard in my pajama bottoms and zip else. Looked through Brent’s stuff while eating chocolates.
Sinéad sez You know Anaïs is going to take you to court the first day of kindergarten when all the kids call her “Ah-NYE-Is,” right?
Dulcinea sez True but my reasoning is that it will help him to develop character. Unlike his biological father.
Sinéad sez Where is the otiose inseminator these days, by the way?
Dulcinea sez He a-sleep-a with-a da feeshes.
Sinéad sez NeNe, it’s me. Remember? Forget the ha ha jokes. Openness…? Trust…?
Dulcinea sez (hugging self) He was shockingly easy to kill. Do you have a few minutes?
ENDOMORPHIC SNIK is tremulously wearing a t-shirt that says Were the People Who Believed Wrestling Was Real Really Dumber than the People Who Believed Obama Was? in an elevator full of muscle-bound wrestlers wearing Obama t-shirts and slacks
JOLLY sez POWER IS LIKE BOOZE- IT DOES NOT DISTORT ONE’S TRUE PERSONALITY, IT DISINHIBITS IT.
UNCLE NED sez u r stndng n my nck señor
HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #1 sez When all the bullied people can buy memoirs of being bullied and all the discriminated-against wheelchair-bound people can buy memoirs of being discriminated-against and wheelchair-bound and all the misgendered people can buy memoirs of being misgendered, why not call Literature “Pity Party,” instead, and be done with it?
HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #2 sez Wait, are you advocating for a Literature of Abuse, written by and for Abusers?
HUMAN STANDING IN BOOK-SIGNING QUEUE #1 sez (wait: am i?)
PERSON SITTING IN A COFFEEHOUSE WITH A BOOK sez William Burroughs was a creepy and probably evil old man but he was freakishly wise in an ancient way and, honestly, a kind of super-savant of Lit and, what can I say? A role model of sorts.
INTRIGUED PERSON AT BOOK PERSON’S TABLE sez in squiggly lettering (if i suck her dick and she accidentally shoots me people will think i deserved it)
DRIB sez: Hey Drib!
DRAB sez: HEY DRAB!
DRIB sez: What’s itchin’?
DRAB sez: OH NUFFIN WHAT’S ITCHING ON YOO?
DRIB sez: Same ol’ scaly patch.
DRAB sez: YAH SAME OL’ SCALY PATCH ON ME, 2, DRIB!
DRIB sez: Wait… what yoo call me?
DRAB sez: HUH?
DRIB sez: I SAY WHAT YOO CALL ME!
DRAB sez: Huh? Nuffin, I call yoo nuffin!
DRIB sez: OH YES YOO DID! YOO CALL ME DRIB, YOO SUNNUVA CLUMP! YOO CALL ME DRIB! I OUGHTA SHORT-STRING YA! I OUGHTA BUMP OUT YA PLUGS AND STUFF ‘EM WITH CLUMPS! WHAT POSSESS YOU 2 SAY SUCH A THING?
DRAB sez: (retreating in mounting panic) HOW SHOULD I KNOW WITHOUT ACCESS TO A VANTAGE EXTERNAL TO THE SYSTEM?
THE NEW YORKER CARTOON
(choose a caption)
caption A: “The more famous he got, the more acceptable his wives became.”
caption B: “Would you like some sauce with that foot?”
caption C: “I’m beginning to miss the word ‘limn’ “.
caption D: “Pyrrhic what? What is that supposed to mean? He’s the first full-figured male super-model!”
HOW TO EVALUATE THE RELATIVE EFECTIVENESS OF CONSECUTIVELY-APPLIED SOCIAL ENGINEERING PLAGUE-MEMES (INCLUDING IMAGINARY PIE CHARTS and BAR GRAPHS)
-being a symptomatically nearly-invisible “plague,” requiring “testing,” anyone could “have it,” “fear factor” initially strong [a plus]
-being a symptomatically nearly-invisible “plague, the “fear factor” wore off rapidly for all but the most phobic types [a weakness]
-described as including “Flu-like” symptoms; Flu Season could therefore be fully utilized to simulate “plague” [a plus].
-the name sounds “science-y” [a plus]
2-MONKEYPOX EMERGENCY REPLACEMENT PLAGUE:
-associated with disturbing pictures of afflicted Third Worlders which can be linked xenophobically to refugees/ foreigners [a plus]
-not being symptomatically invisible, very particular and striking external symptoms are required in order to scare-convince the populace of its “reality” [a weakness]
-reported physical symptoms appear identical to Shingles, a not uncommon condition [a plus]
-citizens injected with FauxVid-911 Xperimental Treatment more likely to develop Shingles [a plus]
-coming so closely on the heels of the first flawed attempt at a “convincing” plague means the public credulity-bar is much higher [a weakness]
-the name is unintentionally funny [a weakness]
HERE LIES DONALD “DONSTER” TURNER-EPPINGS THE THIRD
HE NEVER REALLY GOT OVER PIPER LAURIE